so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
