I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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