make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this boner is exhausting
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
