I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
