Kiss
Puke
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
