capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
