just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
