He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
