Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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