alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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