I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
