I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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