I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
