I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
