remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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