My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
