also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
