Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
