he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
