sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
