No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
