there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
