I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
