Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
