I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
