i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
