So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
