I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
