I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
