Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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