Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
