oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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