Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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