youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
