I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
