Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
