If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
