this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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