Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
