my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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