I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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