Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
