i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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