You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
