i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Randomize
