is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
