I just pynch a tree in the face
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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