Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
