So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
