I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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