His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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