Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
