I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
