Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
