This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
