New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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